I hate school. I dread school. I fear school. I hate how reality manages to sneak up every once in a while (especially when I'm sleeping) and smack me hard in the face, reminding me how far I'm lagging behind.
I don't know how far the others have gone doing Complex Numbers for Math, Ionic Equilibria for Chemistry and that Electromagnet shit for Physics.
FYI, I'm still stuck on vectors and electromagnetism. I don't know where the hell I am for Chemistry. How thrilling. Oh how thrilling.
I could just drop out of JC and run away for ever. I checked out the best private institutions for design in Singapore and I found a school. I carved out another plan which involves studying fashion design and going RMIT. Everything was going good, my parents' letter all signed and shit, certifying I'll be withdrawing from school until daddy burst out while watchig teebee, "You're not gonna go anywhere with fashion designing. You're gonna be earning nothing. You can't make money. I know this too well. There's no future in taking that. Why not be an engineer?"
I was stunned. Engineering? What? You mean mixing concrete while donning that ridiculous bangla outfit with the oh so familiar bright yellow... headgear? You mean that? I'm gonna earn money being a bangla? With my diploma/whatever cert I have being the only thing that sets me apart from them? I study to be THAT?!
NO SIREE NO, I CERTAINLY DO NOT ASPIRE TO BE THIS!
SERIOUSLY MAN I WAS JUST STUNNED. ENGINEERING? It's only a nicer word for future bangla to be.On another note, he got me thinking. I gotta admit the future for fashion designing in Singapore, I EMPHASIZE IN SINGAPORE, is rather bleak. Unless you have the money to go Milan or host your own fashion shows, you can't make it big. My family can't afford to pack me off to France. I can't start a business with fashion designing skills, my line will only make it to Pasar Malams. :/
Fashion Design is my other dream and poof, it just disappeared. After the smoke clears, I see the same old JC route facing me once again.
IT'S MOCKING ME! DAMNIT! IT IS! I SEE THE SIGN LAUGHING AT ME!
I refuse to take it. I refuse to take it.
Yet, I'm afraid to leave it.
:/
Leaving the tried and tested, the conventional JC to Uni path, being independent on my own, attending any other private schools or even working, it's a scary thought. There're no textbooks, no notes, no tuition, nothing to fall back on. Nothing. Moreover, I don't even know what to pursure anymore. Nevertheless, continuning on with A levels is realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly... well not to say impossible but... difficult. Considering I'm really really behindddddd. Can someone help me with schoolwork?
Stop being selfish y'all and stop secretly mugging, spare some love for me please! Don't worry, I'm not gonna beat you with straight A's. I'm not that smart. Spare some of that knowledge, I'm a real dumbass, not worthy of becoming an academic threat/competitor. I will not steal your top student's position so chillax and help meme pretty please?
I just remembered a rather silly scene from last night. I made a ridiculous request to Daddy, a last attempt to get him to embrace the thought of me quitting JC.
Fion: -screaming like a spoilt brat- "Give me a puppy then! I need a puppy to study! It gives me motivation!"
Daddy: -yelling back in rage- "Fine! Go ahead! I'll give you one!"
Honestly! Whoever heard of "I need a puppy to study."! It only occurred to me how silly it must have sounded after I stormed into my room.
Well, he said okay, so fine, I go back to school like a good kid, you gimme a cute puppy in exchange. Deal.
I believe this deal scene is all too familiar.
Anyhoos! I got so excited and brainstormed for names with Jul till 2 freakin AM plus.
I arrived at Whisky, Crispy, Pepper and Zouk. I just couldn't decide sooooo if this deal pulls through, my puppy shall be named Whisky Crispy Pepper Zouk, Zouk for short.
"Hey Zouk, c'mere boy!" Sweet, rolls off the tongue just right. :D
you know you LOVE me (:
XOXO
♥