self inflicted.

don't care if i lose,

Friday, May 1, 2009

You know that thing about falling? Where everyone in life has to fall down hard at least once, you know, get their heart ripped apart to teeny weeny shreds? It's supposed to be some sorta progress in life, like a sooner or later thingy. Like perhaps through this hard shit, you'll get some sorta epiphany and... I don't know... see things in a different light or something along the lines.

People think what I need right now is to have some jerk come rip my heart out so that I'll see love in a different way. A way other than it being a game. They tell me to open up and stop protecting myself cause... everyone needs to fall.

Well, it has finally occurred to me that I don't need to fall and... I'm not protecting myself. I'm not being selfish. It's not that I don't want to let anyone in. I don't need a bruise or a scrape on the knee because... I can't have one.

Fact is, I fell. Yes, I did. Been there before.

I fell hard and fast 3 freakin years ago and the problem is...

I never did manage to pick myself up after that.

In other words, I'm still bleeding in that gawddamn hole.

Damn that motherchucker.

So you see, I can't fall into another hole if I'm already in a hole to begin with.

"Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up"
- Nickelback, Far Away

you know you LOVE me (:
XOXO
♥

baby you're the weaponi choose